Copyright © 2019 Laura Aston
In todays world we are used to the constant rush. But the slow trends become more popular – slowlife, slowfood, slowfashion, slowtravelling, slowwork. The slow life trend teches us not to do the most important everyday activities in a mechanical, routine way. There is one more important trend that I think should be more popular – #slowsex . And it’s not only about having sex in a slow tempo.
Slow sex is a thoughtful, attentive approach to sex. It’s about a reflection about sex and making changes, that will make you learn how to get more pleaseure from sex on a different, more satisfying level.
It’s worth trying to include slow sex into your life to give yourself and your partner more pleasure, to make sex an unusual event and not to feel in a few years like you’ve ran through many parks without in fact admiring fully the beauty of any of them.
First of all you need a right mindset. Do not focus on quality, but on a quantity. Do not focus on getting an orgasm. Just enjoy the sex itself, enjoy the experience and the possibilities you have. Orgasm doesn’t always have to come after good sex. You can really have a great, memorable sex and not neccesarily get an orgasm.
In order to get more from sex you can try to make a few changes.
Do not have sex in rush when you’re exhausted after work or in the meantime betweet a gym and shopping. Take it slow, take your time. Turn of your phones, put all your responsibilities away. If your partner is new, take time to let him/her know better, to feel comfortable with each other and feel more desire to each other. Often when we know someone more, we feel more attracted to her/him. Mind can be sexy too, but you need a bit more time to appreciate its sexappeal.
Long warm bath can be very relaxing. With a soft background music and dimmed light the atmosphere gets really hot and the body gets more sensitive for touch. Taking a bath together is a perfect start for slow sex.
Or maybe you want to try a mutual massage? Even 10 minutes for each of you can work wonders. During the massage session you get used to the new kind of touch, you gently pamper each other, slowly giving more and more pleasure, going from a relaxing way of rubbing to the more sensual and erotic touch. You give each other relaxation and relief.
Your massage doesn’t have to be proffesional. Just do it with sensitivity and passion and it will be enjoyable for sure.
Working as an erotic masseuse I have heard many times that the massage that I provided to the man is even better than sex he have had before. That’s partly because of no rush during the session, celebrating the moment and also the possibility to get the pleasure from massage being fully passive and focussing only on yourself. These short moments of egoism can give really good effects 😉
Tender, slow and passionate. During the slow foreplay even undressing each other can be very exciting. Explore your bodies like you’ve never explored before. Kiss each other part by part. Give each other long, passionate oral sex. It will be very relaxing for both of you and it will prepare you well for later.
Listen to each others tips, talk about how it feels. Tell each other ‘this is nice’, ‘do it softer’, ‘do it harder’, ‘do it slower’. There is no better way to learn your bodies than communicating with each other and giving helpful tips. Do not get discouraged if your partner wants you to do something different – those tips help you both.
A different place | Sex doesn’t always have to be made in bed. Sex in a shower, on a desk, in a kitchen or on a soft blanket in a living room is a nice option worth trying.
Different position| If you always have sex the same way, maybe you should consider trying some new positions. Learn some kamasutra and choose a few positions that you haven’t tried yet. Even if some of them won’t be exciting for you, it’s okay. It’s always nice to experiment.
Or maybe you can try a mutual mastrurbation and getting an orgasm seperately, so each of you can fully focus on your own pleasure. Sometimes it’s hard to synchronize everything the way that allows both partners to come at the same time. While pampering each other seperately you can get even more and intense pleasure. One orgasm at a time.
Different partner | Sometimes it happens that one partner wants to improve something in a sex life of a couple, but the other partner doesn’t want that despite many attempts and a lot of asking. If you’re in this kind of situation, maybe you should consider finding a different partner. For some people it might be a moral dilema and a hard decision that would need a lot of time and a lot of thinking. But in many cases it’s a good solution. You can fulfill your needs with someone else and your partner doesn’t have to force himself/herself to sex. Some mature relationships for which sex is a problem change their status to ‘open’ after a while. They live together and happily as a family, but they fulfill their sexual needs outside their relationship.
Talk to your partner about your needs. Tell each other what turns you both on and what fantasies you have. Do not judge each other and be understanding. You don’t have to fulfill all your partner’s fantasies. Do not force yourself to satisfy him/her, but accept his/her fantasies. You both can have a mutual honesty only if you have a mutual understanding.
Try to do it slower than usually. Do not rush anything. Let sex be slow like swaying.
While having a slow sex the mental arousal is very important – the excitement that goes through your body when you enjoy every sight, touch and sigh. The touch you receive can be very delicate and you can still feel it very strongly. The pleasure during sex is much bigger when you are synchronised with your partner and when his/her excitement turns you on too.
The first time when you decide to have a slow sex doesn’t always have to be amazing. You may need some time to change some of your habits or to find a right partner that will match you well. You might need time to get the right mindset. Do not get discouraged. Every attempt opens you to the new experiences. Every touch makes you learn to receive it in a new way. Every partner teaches you something different. With every new person you create a unique match and you have unique sex.
After having a routine sex for a long time, setting yourself for a slow sex may need some work.
Slowsex is for everyone.
For couples – it can make your erotic life better and make you closer to each other. You can both open up and learn to talk to each other about intimate things and it’s very likely that slow sex will make your whole relationship better.
Slow sex is good for singles too. When you meet a new person, you can try slow sex and make every intercourse in a different way. Slow sex is also possible when you meet an escort. It’s difficult – I know, but it’s possible to find girls that prefer slow sex. As a metter of fact the concept of slow sex is similar in many ways to the concept of Girlfriend Experience – dates during which everything happens without rush, everything is attentive and passionate.
No. Slow sex is a trend that encourages us to more attentive experiencing sex. If you want to have slow sex in your life, you don’t have to give up faster, harder and naughty sex. Slow sex is a praise for clebrated sex – not a critic for more wild, kinky sex. If you look at this closely, you will see that naughty sex goes well with the slow sex concept. When trying slow sex you make it a very special moment, you open for new experiences, you start to discover the sex world again, you give more thoughts and attention to it and you are ready to experience more and try more new things.
No. If you do it the right way and when you set yourself the right way, slow sex can give you a pleasure that you haven’t had before.
1. You experience sex not only as a physical sensation, but also as an emotional one. You let yourself feel it more, feel it fully.
2. You start to listen to your needs and desires. You start to know your body and your reactions better – you listen to it’s signs more carefully. It’s something that needs learning and slow sex is a great training.
3. You communicate better with your partner and you get to know his needs and preferences. You improve your abilities, intuition and you learn how to give and receive pleasure.
4. You have better sex and better orgasms.
5. If you have a regular partner, slow sex can work well for your relationship in many areas other than sex.
Not everyone must like slow sex. But everyone should try it. There’s a big chance that you will benefit from slow sex, that it will make your sex life better and from now on you will start to perceive sex in a bit different way.
What are your habits? Do you practice slow sex or you are often in rush? What do you like to do to get in mood before sex?
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